Ever since my team lost in the Emerge Football Finals last year at the Panasonic Stadium (formerly known as Matsushita), I never once stop thinking about it, not even a single day. Failure to qualify for the knockout stages is disappointing, but losing in the finals is even more of a bitter pill to swallow for each & every footballer.
After the defeat, I made a promise to myself that I will train my ass off as hard as never before. I told God that I will not let anyone stand in my way in winning that gold medal at the following year, not even He Himself.
Just ask the gym technician at the Sunway Lagoon Resort Club. Amongst all the people there, I'll be the one who stayed the longest & sweated the most. Or ask my maid who have witnessed me self-train at home when I'm not at the gym & she'll tell you that my training methods are unconventional. I feel gulity because everytime after working out, she has to wipe the floor which is drenched with my sweat everywhere.
I was very determined to win that gold medal. However, that determination slowly turned into an obsession until football has become more important than anything else in my life. In addition, I put God, church, family & friends aside. I thought that the more time I invest in these things, the less time I have for myself. And the less time I have for myself, the less time I have to train. And the less time I have to train, the closer I am to defeat.
I believe there are some Christians who were also like me especially students. We really want to score good results, secure scholarships & get admitted into the best colleges/universities. But because we want to achieve excellence so badly, we put studies as our main priority above everything else especially God.
Not just in the area of sports, but I also practised alot in my English proficiency, increase my general knowledge by reading news articles & intellectual blogs as well as associating myself only with people that I find interesting, attractive, well-bred, matured & accomplished.
I think that is how arrogance & pride start to take a hold on me. When my game improved significantly, I show contempt to those whose football skills are like crap. When I see people that write & speak bad English, I scorn at them. When I see others unaware of the latest issues that is happening around them, I laugh at their ignorance in my mind. Since that most of my friends are either smart, sophisticated, cultured, popular or talented, I felt that I was too good to hang out with anyone who neither belongs in under one of these categories.
Yes I was a very egoistic, conceited & self-centred person. I claimed that I am good in my respective gifts & abilites not because of God, but because of my own efforts alone. I showed great dissent to anybody who tries to correct me whenever I'm wrong because I have developed this mentality where I am so geng now until I don't need anyone telling me what to do.
This year I participated in the Emerge Futsal Competition on Sunday, Nov 8th at Xtreme Park. I wanted to prove that my theory is right that only the proud shall be glorified while the meek shall falter. That day my team won straight all the way to the finals & I knew that victory is almost imminent for us. Somehow before the last game, doubt started to creep in my mind. So I started to pray to God, asking him to let me win by hook or by crook just this once (selfish, I know) although I'm pretty sure that the opponents are praying that they'll win too.
Alas, it was not meant to be. My team lost 1-3. After the referee blown the final whistle, I just sat there on the pitch refusing to get up. I wondered what went wrong. How can I be still second best after putting up so much hardwork for this competition's preparation? The opponents could have celebrated their win with the supporters. Instead, one of them came up to me, thanked me for putting up a good fight & offered his hand to pull me up back to my feet. That is when I realized that I am missing one vital key to success, humility.
"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6)
Now I know the reason why God refused to answer my prayer during that time. Don't be cocky, or else you will learn it the hard way through humiliation. This is exactly what happened to me, humiliated & put to shame.
Look carefully, the eyes tells a sad ending
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