Hurry Up Clocky!!!

Left 6 more papers to go
Next paper is on the 30th Nov & 2nd Dec
Both papers consists of Micro & Macroeconomics
Economics is my kryptonite
Involves alot of calculation & equations
Math is not my strong point
Picked the wrong subject
Definitely will flunk next Monday & Wednesday
Planning to sacrifice Economics
To use up the time instead for other subject revisions
Last paper is on the 10th Dec
13 more days to total freedom
In the meantime, Selamat Hari Raya Qurban to all the Muslim faiths ;)

This is worse than child abuse ~

Going Through A Tough Season

Each subject in the STPM exam comprises of 2 papers. So far I have finished 2 papers, the first one which is the Sports Science Paper 1 during last week Thursday & today, General Studies Paper 2. This coming Thursday would be my Malay Language Paper 2 & Business Studies Paper 1.

Alot of people told me that the most mentally torturing part of your life is exams. Because of exams, we are too busy revising our studies until we don't have time for other things like our friends. That is the problem, I need to socialize.

STPM in a way, does takes a toll on me emotionally. Right now I am socially deprived. I desperately need to go out or else I would go bonkers if I were to touch my books any further. After an Emerge Conference session last Saturday, I had a great chat with friends at Asia Cafe. Then on another occasion, I had a meal with Jay Dee after finishing our exam paper this morning. It is still not enough though. I gotta lepak like almost 24/7. I wasn't aware that I'm the kinda guy that likes to meet people until recently.

STPM also caused my biological clock to go haywire. Normally I would sleep at twelve midnight but due to the pressure of exams, I only manage to sleep during six in the morning! I'm sure that other students whom are going through their exams right now also experienced the same problem, agitation. Oh my God, how am I gonna keep this up since I have sixteen more days to go?

However between my moment of restlessness, I was thinking about stuffs like what I really wanted actually. Honestly I just wanna spend time with my lovely friends & in church. I thought that winning, especially in football was my everything. Now in this season of STPM, I came to realize what are the most important things in my life which is God, friends & just enjoy my football.

Before the finals during the Emerge Futsal Competition, most of the time I wasn't focusing on the gold medal. Instead, I was looking at my teammates whom they brought their girlfriends together to watch them play. The emotional bond in a relationship, man I wanna experience it too. I start to ask myself after the competition, why am I so obsessed to be number one? The first prize is just a bloody piece of metal being painted gold. In time, it will collect dust as well as rust. Eventually the medal along with everything else on earth will grow strangely dim. But love & friendship, last an eternity ~

Fish & chips with jasmine honey tea at Old Taste, SS15

Jay Dee, a hot chick treated me a strawberry smoothie. Thanks love ;)

Pride 1-3 Humility

Ever since my team lost in the Emerge Football Finals last year at the Panasonic Stadium (formerly known as Matsushita), I never once stop thinking about it, not even a single day. Failure to qualify for the knockout stages is disappointing, but losing in the finals is even more of a bitter pill to swallow for each & every footballer.

After the defeat, I made a promise to myself that I will train my ass off as hard as never before. I told God that I will not let anyone stand in my way in winning that gold medal at the following year, not even He Himself.

Just ask the gym technician at the Sunway Lagoon Resort Club. Amongst all the people there, I'll be the one who stayed the longest & sweated the most. Or ask my maid who have witnessed me self-train at home when I'm not at the gym & she'll tell you that my training methods are unconventional. I feel gulity because everytime after working out, she has to wipe the floor which is drenched with my sweat everywhere.

I was very determined to win that gold medal. However, that determination slowly turned into an obsession until football has become more important than anything else in my life. In addition, I put God, church, family & friends aside. I thought that the more time I invest in these things, the less time I have for myself. And the less time I have for myself, the less time I have to train. And the less time I have to train, the closer I am to defeat.

I believe there are some Christians who were also like me especially students. We really want to score good results, secure scholarships & get admitted into the best colleges/universities. But because we want to achieve excellence so badly, we put studies as our main priority above everything else especially God.

Not just in the area of sports, but I also practised alot in my English proficiency, increase my general knowledge by reading news articles & intellectual blogs as well as associating myself only with people that I find interesting, attractive, well-bred, matured & accomplished.

I think that is how arrogance & pride start to take a hold on me. When my game improved significantly, I show contempt to those whose football skills are like crap. When I see people that write & speak bad English, I scorn at them. When I see others unaware of the latest issues that is happening around them, I laugh at their ignorance in my mind. Since that most of my friends are either smart, sophisticated, cultured, popular or talented, I felt that I was too good to hang out with anyone who neither belongs in under one of these categories.

Yes I was a very egoistic, conceited & self-centred person. I claimed that I am good in my respective gifts & abilites not because of God, but because of my own efforts alone. I showed great dissent to anybody who tries to correct me whenever I'm wrong because I have developed this mentality where I am so geng now until I don't need anyone telling me what to do.

This year I participated in the Emerge Futsal Competition on Sunday, Nov 8th at Xtreme Park. I wanted to prove that my theory is right that only the proud shall be glorified while the meek shall falter. That day my team won straight all the way to the finals & I knew that victory is almost imminent for us. Somehow before the last game, doubt started to creep in my mind. So I started to pray to God, asking him to let me win by hook or by crook just this once (selfish, I know) although I'm pretty sure that the opponents are praying that they'll win too.

Alas, it was not meant to be. My team lost 1-3. After the referee blown the final whistle, I just sat there on the pitch refusing to get up. I wondered what went wrong. How can I be still second best after putting up so much hardwork for this competition's preparation? The opponents could have celebrated their win with the supporters. Instead, one of them came up to me, thanked me for putting up a good fight & offered his hand to pull me up back to my feet. That is when I realized that I am missing one vital key to success, humility.

"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6)

Now I know the reason why God refused to answer my prayer during that time. Don't be cocky, or else you will learn it the hard way through humiliation. This is exactly what happened to me, humiliated & put to shame.

Look carefully, the eyes tells a sad ending